Civility Message

Dear Friends,

It was preaching time and the host pastor was about to stand before the congregation to introduce me. I leaned over to him and said, “Look, don’t make a long introduction because the hour is growing late and I don’t want to delay the service.” My friend, the pastor, said, “OK, fine.” He spoke quickly, “Brothers and sisters, our guest preacher, Emanuel Cleaver, does not want a long introduction so let me just say this, I look at him as a model preacher, please receive him.”

Dear Friends,

There is absolutely nothing that stunts the momentum of a democracy and hammers the heart and soul of the body politic like political absolutism. It is scary when anyone suggests that they understand and that they are doing God’s will in public office. My certainty is that there is great annoyance in Heaven when we, Members of Congress, view ourselves special agents of God.

Dear Friends,

Dear Friends,

A woman walked up to the supervising pharmacist in a major drug store and said, “You are the top guy here are you not?”

“Yes,” said the man, wearing a long white hospital looking coat.

“Well,” said the woman, “I need a big bottle of arsenic.”

“Ma’am, arsenic is a very dangerous substance so I must ask you – why do you need it?” he said.

“To poison my no-good cheating husband,” she replied.

Dear Friends,

Two D.C. Federal employees who commute back and forth from Philadelphia each day, sat next to each other one cold winter day after work. The one who sat by the window in the aisle seat spoke to her seatmate asking, “Will you please open the window?” The other woman spoke with indignation, “Absolutely not, I have a cold and if I opened the window, it will kill me. Don’t be so insensitive!”

Dear Friends,

Sometimes I have weird dreams. It’s not my fault. In one of my congressionally based dreams, I spotted former congressional staffer Rip Van Winkle sitting in the House barbershop getting a haircut, and, because of his eight inch beard, getting a much needed shave.

Dear Friends,

Dear Friends,